Fashion Month Hits and Misses: Takeaways From Someone Who Definitely Wasn’t There

Ah, fashion week.  Rom Com movies and fashion media will tell you that it’s glitz, glamour, crowds, traffic, smartphones, street style, sleepless nights, hangovers, deadlines, stress sweat, and sprinting to catch the next show in fashionable, but torturous footwear.  The media’s not lying; it’s true!

Or at least I’m assuming.  I certainly wasn’t there, at any of the locations, New York, London, Milan, or Paris, for the debut of high fashion’s collections for the spring (or printemps, if you’re chic) 2018 season.  Even my Parisian Fashion professor, a vintage couture collector, former Christie’s auction house curator, and the chicest person I know, wasn’t in attendance (trust me, I asked).  So uh, never mind, or as he would say, “tant pis!”

However, in our modern era of over-engulfing technology, I’m no longer restricted to being a country mouse waiting for high fashion trends to make their way down the retail chain for me to access a year and half later.  Online magazines exist!  Social media exists!  And thanks to my very dated iPhone 5s, I have the power to access all of the fashion content that’s floating around the web!

With this great power comes great responsibility.  I’m gonna use it to judge the shit out of some clothes.

Here are some of my takeaways, good, bad, and fantastic, from the Spring 2018 Fashion Month.  I’ll start off with some of the big hitters (what everyone expects to see), then I’ll move on to some of my favorite labels, and then I’ll close out with my self-created “winners’ circle” (the most prestigious award of all).

HIT—Calvin Klein: This lemon yellow-rubber dress is more than a little reminiscent of Dee Reynold’s banana power suit from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, but Raf Simon’s attempt to channel classic horror icons like this look’s obvious nod to 60s Hitchcock doesn’t go unnoticed.  The dress and the model also kind of remind me of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill—the ultimate badass.  Two pink-gloved thumbs up.

MISS—CHANEL: Chanel is standard classic for couture, and for good reason.  However, this collection is lacking on all fronts other than the neat venue and name attached to it.  Despite references to Coco’s androgynous femininity throughout, the collection is weak: it will be dated by the time it hits shops and is predominately unwearable (not in a good way).

HITS— SAINT LAURENT: The runways have seen a resurgence of strong, statement jackets recently, and Comme Une Soleil is soaking it in.  This could be due to misogyny in leadership is being normalized at every turn or that people just miss shoulder pads, but either way, power suits are back, menswear is thriving, and androgyny on the runway is showing no signs of slowing down.

This being said, St. Laurent is taking these masculinized trends and having fun with them unlike other designers this season.  I love the look on the left because it looks like it would be completely at home in Serena Van Der Woodsen’s 2006 closet (Hello, Upper East Siders), and the butterfly-embellished bomber on the right equally reminds me of a Night at the Roxbury and Joseph’s multicolored coat (FUN).  However, you’ll see that St. Laurent didn’t exactly pull the collection off without a hitch…

NO OFFENSE, but this looks like I could already scoop this up at an H&M clearance rack, (FYI, I still wouldn’t).  It reminds me of the off-brand candy that old ladies carry around in their purse and also a decorative autumn plate you would also find in the vicinity of an old woman.  In short, too much old lady.  In the words of Simon Cowell, it’s a “no” from me.

HIT—PRADA: No one does wearable quirk quite like Prada, layering rich textures and funky embellishments with ease, creating a garden of glamour that’s messy but tailored at the same time.  It’s all quite polished, but also a little grungy, and VERY dystopian.  Spiders on sweaters for spring?  A tiger striped macintosh? It’s all equal parts business casual and Blade Runner, and I’m very here for it.  Also, do yourself a favor and look at the shoes and those great bunched-up sleeves on runway baby and model-of-the-moment Kaia Gerber.

HIT– JEREMY SCOTT: Where there’s smoke, there’s bound to be fire, and if Prada’s acid-toned contrasts of colors made you uncomfortable, Jeremy Scott’s not going to be your guy.  He’s often pegged as unwearable, but when done right, “unwearable” fashion can be even better than our well-loved and universally-agreed upon staples.  These looks are reminiscent of the early-noughties’ kooky futurism, looking liking they were pulled straight out of Zoolander’s costume department.  Fans of the iconic space teen movie Zenon: Girl of the 21^st Century will also appreciate Scott’s vision. I don’t know about you all, but nothing sounds better to me than putting off adulthood a little longer in this bedazzled neon mesh.  Tubular!

MISS—BALENCIAGA: Not everyone can pull off avant-garde color, as one can tell from this heinous collection from Balenciaga.  In Paris, I accidentally left a Balenciaga account manager “on read” and I swear he somehow worked his way to the top to spite me with this collection.  I would say that these looks could be copied at WalMart, but that’s even putting WalMart to shame.  The spiked-out shoes are neat, but insulted when paired with the rest of this travesty.

Okay, enough of the big guns, and enough of the misses (we don’t need more negativity in our lives, do we?).  Following are my favorite looks from some of my favorite designers, and they’re all wonderful.  Brace yourselves.

If anyone knows simplicity, it’s young blood/dreamboat Simon Porte Jacquemus, who launched this collection inspired by the South of France, like most of his works, and his mother (swoon).  His fabrics and tailoring are a little more relaxed this season, giving high-fashion a “just rolled out of bed look,” if that’s possible.  Having the show at the Picasso Museum was just the icing on the very French cake (or gateau, if you will).

As much as Comme Une Soleil loves the “naked dress” (a lot) it often comes with a stigma: think Kate Moss in the peak of her party days or Carrie Bradshaw on the side of that bus.  However, Loewe somehow accomplished unsexy nudity with this dress (especially when paired with that awesome park-ranger hat).  I don’t think we’ll see this sheer, post-it-note number being worn in public anytime soon, but it needs to be appreciated.

It’s hard to follow in the footsteps of an ICON (RIP), but Sarah Burton is doing Alexander McQueen’s label proud with the brilliant reds in this collection.  These dresses are equal parts sex dungeon and Spanish flamenco dancer and it’s fabulous.  One trademark of a McQueen show is wearable clothing paired with avant-garde, generally-eerie makeup and costuming, and this show is no exception: underneath those dead stares and greased-up strands of hair are pieces that will be on the red carpet come awards show season, guaranteed.

Eckhaus Latta has only been on the scene since 2011, but these relative newcomers have certainly used the six years to make a splash in terms of androgynous clothing and marketing (their most recent ad campaign featured blurred out images of models actually having sex).  Regardless of shock value, they make some beautiful clothes and capture a wearable simplicity that other designers often find themselves grasping for, but rarely achieving.

Okay, it’s time to wrap up Fashion Month 2018 and this long-winded post with the best of the best: Comme Une Soleil’s Winners’ Circle.

For me, a generally black-clad permafrown with some spooky leanings, Ann Demeulemeester’s line can do no wrong.  Current creative director Sebastien Meunier pulled inspiration from Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe’s stylish and romantic friendship, which makes the collection even more irresistible (and brag-worthy).  Also, I want to live and die in those satin pajamas.

I could go on for hours about my love (and borderline idolization) of modern-day Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, but I won’t, and will instead focus on the PERFECTION of their impossibly cool label, the Row.  Simplicity coupled with effortless luxury is their creed, mastering menswear and focusing on fit, rather than trends.  This season’s camel, red, and lilac-tinged collection is suitable for a day at the office, a very sexy funeral, or a unrealistically luxe movie night (in other words, Comme Une Soleil’s definition of incomparably good shit). Also, the show’s venue was in the New York’s Carlyle Hotel, which apparently hosts the world’s most sensual conference room.  Remarkable.

Drumroll please! Tom Ford seamlessly pulled together the strength of the 80s (SHOULDER PADS) and minimalist sex appeal from the early 90s to make the best collection of Fashion Month 2018 (in Comme Une Soleil’s opinion).  I’m here for all of it: the hip cutouts, the exaggerated leg of mutton sleeves (that’s what they’re actually called, no bullshit), and especially the white tank and low-slung pants ensemble.  No matter how unflattering they are on 99% of the population, I’m ready to see hipsters again.  Basic Instinct’s Catherine Tramell is shaking, and so am I.