To preface this article, I know that it’s all been written before, but in this day and age I think it’s especially important, and also it hasn’t been written by me. So, here we go.
Recently, I found myself thinking about The Proposal, that kind-of funny rom-com with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds and some annoyingly lovable features from Betty White. Why? Not sure why I thought about it, but it probably has something to do with that scene where they Sandra and Ryan are trying to hide their attraction to each other and accidentally run into each other naked— God, these movies are something else.
Well, anyway, for those who haven’t seen the movie, or the scene, or don’t know that iMDB exists, it starts out with Ryan Reynolds playing a hardworking aspiration-filled author being worn down in his low-level position at a New York-based publishing company, ran by Sandra Bullock. She’s all business, self-serving, and pegged to be extremely unlikable (despite her fantastic business casual wardrobe). She also happens to be a Canadian citizen facing deportation, so she lies to a fairly cooperative version of ICE that she is engaged to Ryan Reynolds (who hates her) so she can stay and run her empire. However, she’s being closely monitored by the Feds, so she and Reynolds form an agreement that he would go along with the act if she promotes him and accompanies him on a trip to Alaska to see his family.
In short, she ends up going and turning everyone off by her coldness and obsession with work, but through a few late night talks and quirky episodes with her fake fiancee’s family, she softens up, wearing subtler makeup, donning more cozy sweaters, and of course, falling in love with her assistant and going through with the wedding.
The movie is fun and romantic and kind of entertaining (really cheesy), but it’s got a humongous plot hole: Sandra Bullock is pegged as the biggest bitch alive solely because she’s more successful than her puppy-esque assistant (we’re never shown what she’s like in her personal life; she’s probably super chill), and only becomes tolerable in the audience’s eyes when she loses her phone so she’s unable to answer business calls and finally realizes she’s in love with Ryan Reynolds (hey, no judgment there).
It’s 2017, and although this movie was filmed in 2009, that wasn’t a radically different environment for women as it is today. Hopefully few of us have been told that we can’t be successful solely off of our sex (it does happen, sadly), but even the most successful women (ahem, Hillary Rodham Clinton) have a dark cloud hanging over their head: being confident, strong, successful, or a combination of the three, is a threat to crippling social norm’s and some men’s fragile masculinities. Therefore, the powerful woman in our society and especially our rom-com portrayals are labeled as the “bitch” or the “dragon lady” or the “ice queen,” and will never be able to attain socially-defined personal happiness while maintaining her powerful position. Why? She’s too unlikable, and it will ultimately be her demise– even if she wins the popular vote by 3 million votes.
That sends a really nice message to girls and women, doesn’t it?
It’s not like women have it easy to begin with, even if they aren’t entirely career-focused. For one, there’s this pressure of attaining “effortless perfection,” which is imposed on girls from a very young age. Basically, under this standard, females should be know how to navigate every situation while perfectly executing their gender under dated social norms without looking like they have actually tried or taken the effort:, in other words, not having a hair out of place while doing it all, perfectly, if you will.
More specifically, women also face a disturbing number of issues in the workplace, including, but not limited to, barriers to advancement, sexual harassment, internal biases, and of course, the pay gap, which currently has women averaged across all races making 82 cents to every dollar earned by one of their equally qualified, equally experienced male peers and coworkers (it’s much worse for black and Latina women).
Many of our social and professional biases against women come from media portrayals in film and television, which often uses these successful female characters to create tension in a narrative and a potential villain in our eyes. In reality, however, if you peel back the layers of scripted unapproachability (or don’t!), you’ll find characters worth looking up to. Here’s a few of our favorites, real and fake.
Elaine Benes
The whole point of Seinfeld is the total narcissism of its characters, so of course, Elaine falls into that boat. She’s also comes across as persnickety, cynical, and a little rude, but a lot of this is really just knowing what she wants and taking nothing less. This probably has something to do with her spotty dating history (for example, dumping a guy because he didn’t offer her a piece of pie), but we think there’s absolutely something to be said for not settling for less than your (high) standards. Elaine’s the only character on the show (except Newman, I guess), with a steady, reliable job, and although she rubs people the wrong way, she’s what we think that most women should at least partially aspire to be: witty, uncompromising, unapologetically feminist, and funny as hell.
Elizabeth Warren
Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Massachusetts), like so many other women in leadership, is often criticized and even mocked by her male counterparts for being too much of a battleax (or “Pocahontas,” like our asshole in chief recently referred to her as to a group of Native American code talkers). However, she takes her criticisms with a grain of salt and continues to fight for our planet, our country’s reputation, marginalized groups, and people in need. She realizes that you don’t need to be a pleaser or a doormat to be successful; in fact, it works better if she isn’t. She doesn’t care that some people don’t like her, she has bigger things to worry about (and inspires others in the process of taking care of them).
Miranda Hobbes
I’ll confess: Miranda is probably my least favorite of Sex and the City’s “ladies who lunch,” because she is pretty whiny and more than a little bit of a buzzkill. However, unlike the other women, she’s fiercely independent and mature, which is a super-admirable quality in a fictional character. She makes her career as a lawyer a priority, ends things with a man she loves because he’s intimidated by her success, and actually raises a baby on her own because she’s unwilling to compromise herself and her lifestyle for a guy who won’t step up (unlike her friends, often). Miranda might kind of be a drag in comparison to Carrie and Samantha (not so much Charlotte), but she’s got her shit together and doesn’t apologize for it. You go, Miranda.
Naomi Campbell
If you know anything about the fashion industry, you probably also know that supermodel icon Naomi Campbell is often regarded as the mean girl of the industry, having been accused of things like telling other models that the catwalk is slippery so they’ll walk timidly on it so she’s the star of the show (LOL) and telling Tyra banks that she’ll “never be her.” Granted, I don’t know her (wish I did), but I doubt Naomi Campbell is the nicest person on earth. However, she doesn’t have to be! She knows her worth and won’t take less from anyone, which is honestly very respectable. We think that you should be nice (most of the time), but you can do that without diminishing your shine. Take a page from Naomi: if you’re just unbelievable and/or an icon, recognize it, and don’t change it for anyone (even if it makes people afraid of you. Especially if that person’s Tyra Banks).
Amal Clooney
What’s most amazing about this woman is not the fact that she accomplished all of our dreams of taking George Clooney off the market, but rather that she’s an incredibly accomplished barrister (lawyer) specializing in international affairs and human rights (with high-profile clients like WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange). What’s also cool is she’s the first example we can think of of a “normal” woman in a high-profile marriage where people seem to care more about her successes and intellectual badassery than her relationship status. She is so fascinating and accomplished; I cannot even fathom what it’s like talking to her. I think I would fall in love, so I don’t blame George at all.
Jemima Kirke
One could reasonably expect Jemima Kirke to be pretentious and cutting and whiny, as she’s been friends with Lena Dunham since they were little girls (and HBO’s Girls!). It’s kind of true, but she’s so cool in how truly unapologetic she is (and everything else). She does what she wants (posing naked in candid positions constantly, prioritizing her painting over her actually-successful acting career), says what she wants (so many swear words), and is open about literally everything (divorce, addiction, sexuality, her abortion, her parenting styles, etc.). A lot of this is due to her privilege, granted, but she serves about a figurehead for honesty and coming to grips with who you are and what your place is in the world. Who doesn’t want that? 😉
Catherine Tramell
Yes, I’ve definitely paid homage to Catherine before on this site, but I’m doing it again for two reasons: one, I’m obsessed with her, and two, she may be the iciest kween of all. As a little background, Catherine is the very seductive maybe-villain/love-interest to a dumbass alcoholic detective in Basic Instinct, and she spends the whole movie manipulating him flawlessly. What I like about this character (besides her wardrobe of beautiful white and cream ensembles) is how totally intimidating she is while simultaneously being very casual about it. Like in the case with Naomi Campbell, she knows what she is (a successful author with a ton of social clout and a great sexual energy) and she uses it to her advantage without rubbing it in people’s faces too much. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and in fact, Comme Une Soleil would argue that there’s everything right about that.
Too often in this world are women told that they are too much: too loud, too ambitious, too straightforward, too sexual, etc., but these women directly challenge that, and at least the real-life ones are thriving for it. I’m going to close this article with one of my favorite quotes, which I actually first heard in the movie Akeelah and the Bee (another film about a smart, ambitious female). Go out into the world with confidence. Be smart, be brave, be strong, be sexy, be intimidating. You’ll be better off for it, I promise.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant? Gorgeous? Talented? Fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone, and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson x