I’m Back – In All Black

2007. Grand Central station. In the midst of suitcases being rolled and black coffees being thrown away, I emerge from behind the clock that David Schwimmer’s Melman the Giraffe gets his head stuck in in Madagascar (we’re running out of time!). I’m wearing a caramel leather jacket, a Breton striped tee, a triumphantly mysterious look on my face, and perfectly beachy-yet-polished hair. Flip phones start buzzing, whispers start flying, and the news quickly spreads throughout the poorly-accessorized cliques of the upper East Side: CUS is back. As it turns out, I wasn’t actually hiding away at a boarding school in New England; I was being a goddamn adult.

Blair is bitter and pissed. Surprise surprise.

That’s right, friends: I’m back after over a year-long hiatus from writing and I’m better than ever. I’m wiser, greater looking, and more humble. Not only did I take on full-time employment (which is very draining, let me tell you), I’ve started listening to an extreme amount of Erykah Badu, killing less plants, and even made my own almond milk half a dozen times. In a moment of elevated political excitement and probably hormones (?), I even donated $25 to Beto O’Rourke’s presidential campaign, which i realized the next day was a mistake.

But anyway, I’ve been making Big Adult Moves™. And now that I’ve finally became comfortable in my 8:30 – 5:00 sea legs, I’m giving “rediscovering my passions and creativity” a try (I pay $140 a year for this website). I was originally going to write a piece about my favorite Fashion Month looks, and I still am, but I realized that all that ended in September, it is now November 5, and believe it or not, I’m not completely shameless. So, this post is still about what I found inspired in New York, London, Paris, and Milan this year, but I’m narrowing my focus to black pieces and looks, which really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Capiche?

To preface, I’d like to give black some credit where it’s due. I get an “all black today, I see” about once a week, and I always accept it with the utmost pride. For me (and, cough cough, the entire high fashion industry) black clothing signifies so much: simplicity, sophistication, mystery, edge, comfort, sex appeal, and in some of my favorite cases, a hint of the macabre. It’s boring? It’s overused? It’s depressing? Shut your mouth and pick up a book, Jameela Jamil.

Not to say that I’m anti-color by any means. Courrèges’ 60s meets e-girl collection was a dream for me. Nina Ricci had some guazy cotton candy pieces that made me moan (out loud). Alberta Ferretti turned out some butterfly-inspired dresses and going-out tops that fit perfectly into my Brittany Murphy in Uptown Girls fantasy. But I made the decision to honor the shadow gods today; I’ve got to respect that.

That being said, here’s a selection of pièces noires from the Printemps/Été 2020 season that made me go 😈. Embrace it; it’s Scorpio Season, baby.

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Zadig & Voltaire

I’m sure no one ever would’ve guessed I’d begin my journey back into fashion writing with menswear and 80s silhouettes, but what can I say? I’m an enigma.

Look at these side by side. Day and night. Yin and yang. There’s nothing sexier than a repurposed suit in a sleek black, but I love how these particular looks are styled. The casual pant in Look 1 brings softness to an otherwise aggressively sexy ensemble, while the layering in Look 2 cuts the starkness with a playful touch (I was really hoping that was a Def Leppard tee, but sadly, I’m mistaken).

Saint Laurent

I call this look “Camille at work on a day where she’s comfortable having her a** out and also owns cooler pants.” This look is superb: classic and totally wearable for day to day, but these pants! They’re unbelievable. This is the first time in my young life that I can remember seeing stirrups on display, rather than tucked into riding boots. That’s one of the many pros of going all-black: the simplest alterations and details can elevate a look because they’re not being drowned out by gaudiness or (gasp!) color. Looks like I might need to take my kitchen scissors to my leggings and see what happens.

Mugler

Honestly, this collection from Mugler wasn’t my favorite (see for yourself). Largely gone are the days of avant-garde sexuality meets old-world sophistication that the house became known for in the ’80s and ’90s (like in this video – head to the 4:53 mark for my favorite three consecutive looks of all time, but mute the video and turn on some house music for your own sanity).

But, regardless of the label’s recent direction under Casey Cadwallader, the label knows how do to black – like in the case of this ensemble. Mixing textures is always good practice. When done in all black (or any one-color look), it’s especially harmonious. But, that being said, I’ll be a happy girl if you present me with a beautiful sheer top under most circumstances. #freethenip #missyouthierry

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The Row

I would be doing myself, all of you, and the mystic nymphs of couture Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen*, a disservice if I didn’t include the Row in this article. The house is a pinnacle of utility, simplicity, gender fluidity, fine tailoring, and the color black. It would be an honor to wear any of these looks, but the middle Big and Tall Bowling Shirt-inspired ensemble has me entranced. I need to wear it to an art gallery immediately and not say a word to anyone (not even the bag check guy). Marlboro Gold not included.

*Notice the name flip – I love messin things up

Rokh

Full disclosure, I didn’t know this label existed until today, but the show looked underground and hazy and a little reminiscent of the David Bowie-officiated walk-off in Zoolander, so naturally I became a fan. From the cut of the jacket to the color scheme of the shoes, this outfit is a little bit *off* from head to toe – and that’s why it works. I don’t really know how to describe it other than Matrix meets Homecoming dress meets putting on my dad’s running shoes to take out the trash, but I’m obsessed with it. I don’t really see myself wearing an all-leather ensemble unless I’m in like, a dungeon, but it’s fun to dream. I will keep wearing my chunky trainers though. Deal with it, straight dudes.

Salvatore Ferragamo

Despite being a color bomb, this sun-bleached collection was actually my favorite I saw in the entirety of my Fashion Month research (scrolling through the photos, I was praying that it would have just one black piece so I could include it). Well, it did, and it did NOT disappoint! With what appears to be leather and mesh, this mixed media coat isn’t very functional, but who needs it? I’d be happy to freeze or get arrested for indecent exposure in this piece any day (if you think I’d wear anything underneath it you overestimate me).

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Olivier Theyskens

I chose to save these looks for last because #1. they’re my favorite of the bunch, and #2. the other looks I’ve featured are all notably wintry. As fitting as it is for the dark and gloomy season, dressing in black doesn’t have to be confined to the cold months, and shouldn’t be treated as such! Apart from maybe red (which is tacky more often than not), black is the sexiest color! Why everyone isn’t wearing it during the seasons we show the most skin is beyond me. And it makes you look tanner?! Whatever, people are hopeless; keep on wearing your mints and corals and royal blues and looking trash.

I would wear both of these looks in a heartbeat and might even do something unsavory to get myself in the cardigan/hotpants combo. Who knows what I’m capable of? But I’m back. In black. And that’s all that matters. See you in another year, I’m off to go pay my parking tickets (I get those now! Outside my own house!)

XOXO